Bayou Billionaires returned to CMT this Saturday with a new season, led once again by Kitty and Gerald, supported by all of the crazy family, including almost-family member Albert.
It’s hard to really get a handle on Albert. Is he really as weird as he appears, or is he just hyping it up for television? He has, though his goofy actions, after all, managed to eclipse most of the Dowden kids on the show. Most viewers are not tuning in to see what Thomas is up to this week, for example, or wondering what Gerald Jr. might be doing. The Dowden kids don’t even rate having their names placed individually in the opening credits; they just have one big photo with no identification whatsoever, just “The Family,” while Albert has his own, “Albert” page. So, whether it is real or contrived, his character is getting him the attention on the show he seems to crave. After all, why would one “bling” up his new teeth if he wasn’t looking for attention?
Gerald and Kitten are a great couple. It is sweet how, after all of the years and kids they have put in together, the still go out of their way to make each other happy. This week, Gerald decided to surprise Kitten with a float—featuring her likeness—in the “Holiday in Dixie” parade. He left it in the hands of the boys to build—and the results were predictable, including Albert’s contribution of a pint-sized spaceship. Of course, it’s a lot of work to build a float, and a lot to put on a group of guys who have never done that kind of artistic work previously. But, fortunately, Gerald has credit cards with unlimited funds, and the boys, thankfully, took advantage of that, visiting a company that actually makes floats and float accessories—good move. “Shoot for the stars,” Gerald instructed them, and visiting a professional, they did just that, finding not only a spaceman to fulfill Albert’s sci-fi visions, but a “Kitten” image—really a fortune teller with some really wild eyes, but she became Kitten.
“We can make a few minor adjustments but, basically, we’ve got Mama. This is gonna work. This is exactly what Dad wanted,” Thomas said, the others agreeing.
Gerald was, indeed, happy with the results, and found that the biggest difficulty from that point on would be keeping his project a secret from Kitten until the big reveal at the parade. Kitten tried her best to get what was going on out of Thomas—he is the weak point in the link when it comes to keeping secrets from his Mama—but, even with a bribe of fried bologna sandwiches, Thomas stood firm.
Can Money Buy Love?
While all of this was going on, Kitten and Valerie tried setting up Valerie’s daughter, Jessica, with a matchmaker—supposedly the “best that money could buy,” but she certainly seemed to miss the mark badly, especially when she set Jessica up with a yoga-doing vegan. Turns out, Valerie’s other daughter, Nikki, was able to set Jessica up with someone who was not only nice, but actually decent—even had enough sense not to spit on someone’s porch.
Getting to the parade, the boys had a bit of a crisis—tire blow-out—but, in the end, they got the float there and Kitten was thrilled. See, Kitten? Sometimes it’s more fun to leave the snooping alone and actually be surprised by your husband and family.
“I was so surprised,” Kitten said after the parade. “It was wonderful. The statue of me that they made on the float was just wonderful. … My husband’s the best thing in the whole world.”
Ol’ Gerald, he is one of the good ones.
How will Jessica’s new love work out? Will she really stick it out with a "nice guy?" And, the question everyone really wants answered: What will Albert come up with next week?
Bayou Billionaires airs on CMT on Saturday nights at 9/8c.